ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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