Dual....:-)
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
