No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
