I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
