what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
