is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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