I looked at my own cervix.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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