Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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