It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
