I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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