This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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