Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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