He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
