I think I died a long time ago.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Enjoy the penises
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
