Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
