Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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