I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
