Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
