dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
