a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
