somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She even gives head with a lisp.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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