Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
