why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
