Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
