I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How does one acquire holy water?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
