So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Be still, my beating vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
