I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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