he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
