Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
