I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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