i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
