she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
