Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
