Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
