It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
