I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
