Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
