forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i've created a new STD.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
