I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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