I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
