This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
