i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
