I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
