how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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