So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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