Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
