I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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