You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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