Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
