4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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